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For me, inviting the girlfriend to the parent’s house always meant “death” to me.  I realized that this was because  of who I was in the past and sometimes we tend to confuse what we believe now with what we believed in the past.

So this weekend, I “manned” up and invited my girl to officially meet my family.  While my girlfriend was talking to my sisters, I went over to talk to my brother–who had obviously been drinking too much.  I asked him what was wrong and why he was rude to Sabrina.  He apologized and told me he had a lot on his brain.

I then realized that his girlfriend Shelly wasn’t around and then I put two and two together.

“Where’s Shelly?” I asked.

“Oh, well…she’s allergic to dogs, so she didn’t want to risk it.” he said while shaking his head and gulping down his beer.

I already knew from the tone of his voice that the relationship was coming to an end.  And to be quite honest, I couldn’t wait.  My brother started dating Shelly almost a year and a half ago and I can count the amount of times I have hung out with her on one hand.  Although she was polite, she was also my brother’s polar opposite–and I’m one of those strong believers that think attraction to opposites is very short-lived.

I took my brother aside and asked him if everything was okay.  He said no and that he was thinking of breaking up with Shelly.  Now although I feel strongly that my brother should be single, I knew that it was risky to share my opinion on the matter. Break ups are something that people need to go through on their own and if they take your advice and are miserable because of the decision they were influenced to make (no matter if it was the right choice), people have a tendency of resenting you because of it.

So all I did was listen and I didn’t open my mouth until he said this to me:

“Jimmy, every time I’m not with her, I’m not stressed about disappointing her.  Every time I walk to her house, I’m thinking about someone else–someone who doesn’t even exist.  What is wrong with me?  “

Then it occurred to me that although he had probably checked out of the breakup emotionally a long time ago, claiming his breakup has been a struggle for him–and it’s a problem many of us had in one point of our lives.

So as big bro, I told my brother what he should do and because I had just done my homework for “Claiming Your Space” in Nando’s Day 8 challenge, I knew what to say.

So if you’re struggling to get out of a relationship, here are some steps you need to take:

Declare Your Break Up!

The first step to making a break up happen is to get the thoughts of it out of your head.  Many people think about break ups but don’t voice them out loud simply because saying it would make it a reality.  By saying out loud to yourself or to a close friend that you are ready to break up, you confidently making a major life decision that you are now 100 percent sure of.

Envision Your Breakup!

Everybody knows that breakups are scary.  Even if you are not in love with someone anymore, the fear of leaving is always there.  That’s why you need to envision what you would do and who you would be  post-breakup.  Would you focus on a personal or creative goal after they were gone? Would you remain friends? Will you be prepared to take them off your social media networks? These are all scary thoughts that are necessary in order to make sure you are doing the right thing. By making it crystal clear as to what you want in your personal life, you will be able to make it clear as to why the break up has to happen.

Have Exclamation Mark Moments

This is something I learned from Nando and it actually helps in regards to daily affirmations.  Everyday leading up to a breakup, you should say something positive that garners an exclamation point.  Now I’m not saying you should say something like, “Today is the day I’m going to dump the bitch!”  Phrases like “Today is the day I reclaim my freedom!” or “I will make myself happy!” are acceptable things to say.

Be Blissfully Ignorant About The Breakup

Many people may try to dissuade you from making a rash decision.  If you live together, people will scare you about living on your parent’s couch until you find a place.  Others may be upset that you are breaking the social group up. All you need to be concerned with is your own well-being.  If a break up is what you want, then that’s all that you need to worry about.  So what if people do not like your decision.  It’s your life and you should stand up for the choices you make regardless of other people’s opinions.

Develop A Thick Skin!

This one is the most important one to remember. (Especially for men.)  You may feel confident about a break up until you see your partner burst out in tears. (and for guys that is our kryptonite.)  It’s important to have a thick skin when you are breaking up with someone.  If you’re a good person, you will struggle with the decision because you don’t want to hurt your soon to be ex.  Just remember, that it’s not fair for either one of you to stay in a relationship you are not passionate about.  In order to succeed in your love life, it’s essential to know that you have to be selfish and that’s not always a bad thing.  Your happiness matters too.

So after talking to my brother for hours upon end, I’m pretty sure he is one step closer to not only claiming his breakup, but claiming his happiness as well.

Sometimes in life, the only way to better yourself is to get out of a stagnant relationship.  Many people think that relationships with no extreme ups and downs are better–but in my personal opinion, a neutral relationship is nothing more than a flatline.